Goodbye Grandma.......

Early morning……

When everyone was chatting happily……

My mom’s handphone rang……

Is a person who didn’t call my mom for years……

That person was her brother…….

At that moment…….

A very weird feeling rush through every nerve in my body……

Tells that something is not going right…..

Then my mom answers the call and asks: yes? What’s wrong?

Then she said: Oh…oh….when? Ok……

Very quickly after she hang up her phone……

She 1^st told my dad: My mother had passed away this morning…….

I was observing and listening all the while since before she answers the call……

I was not so sad…….

Because I already accepted the fact……..

Everyone must go through born, old, sick and die…..

But that feeling is sad…..I can’t deny……

Maybe that’s what people say…….

No matter how…..once a person who is your relative dead or hurt……

You will definitely feel the pain and sad……..

It depends on how obvious or how strong it is……

I never experience this before……

My grandpa passed away since before I born so I can’t feel the sadness…..

But now I’m 19 years old…..

I’m mature enough to understand what is sad………..

Really pain……..truly pain…….I don’t know how to explain the pain……

Really makes me uncomfortable…….

This feeling getting even stronger when I rush back to Ipoh just after I rush back home from my college and look at my grandma dead body…….

I don’t know how to react……

Because that time I and my dad was the last arriver who arrive to our hometown…….

All the way from our car to the house…….

Everyone is looking at us…….

I don’t know how to describe the expressions on their face……

I only know that……..those are sadness

I’m the eldest grandson among all…….

Everyone is focus on me……

Every action…..every expression……..even every word I say is so important……

After me and my dad went through the whole process……………

Not even a sound can be heard…..even the breathing sound is controlled…..silent…….

We had done the funeral by our Chinese traditional style…….

I was in charge to burn the “hell money” together with my 2 brothers for around 2 hours……

When someone has to ‘shiong hiong’…..we have to step aside and watch…..

I can never describe that phenomenon……….

My grandpa (my mom’s dad) did not sleep since after my grandma passed away……

Same goes to his 3^rd son who loves her mom so much……..

Now I’m writing this article at 1: 41am, 05/08/08……..

Just 2 ½ hour after the ceremony end……

Currently…….

Me, my mom, and my mom’s 2 brothers…….

For sure….my grandpa as well…….

We all can’t go to bed……

My grandpa now is still talking to my mom…..

Telling her what happen when my grandma dies……

What she told and how she pass away……

I chosen this moment to drop down this article because…..

I think this is a memorable and priceless moment in my life……

There are so many feelings turning around in my nerves……..

I can’t define those feelings…….But I can guess those are different types of sadness…..

Okay…..

I don’t think I can go to bed tonight…..

But I hope tomorrow morning me and all my relatives could accompany my grandma to finish her journey happily and peace……

I wanna tell u, grandma!!!! I have never visit you for 5 years……………

When I was thinking of visiting you next year…….you passed away……..

I can’t even speak a word to you or listen to you to tell me a word…….

I’m so sorry……..I’m really regretted……..

What can I do now is looking at your cold face and closed eyes……..

I’m the eldest among all children there……

I can’t cry out…..even I wanna cry……but no tears coming out……

I feel very pain……really pain……..